this has been a really tough week. not only have i been sick and fevering, but i have been sick emotionally. it is times like this that i typically withdraw and let my exterior become one moody, turbulent thorn bush. i say thorn bush because in all of my self-pity and self-loathing i tend to lash out at those around me, often unprovoked and definitely undeserved. it's kind of a relief to be sick right now because i have an excuse to not say much, and i have found, the less i say the less damage i can do.
i went to the thrift store last week and found four exciting new fabric remnants that i plan on scarfing-out over the next couple weeks. i had planned on doing so much work this week, but to no avail. my joints ache so much when i try to crochet and my eyes burn too much to see what i'm sewing. i have managed to make painstaking progress on my newest crocheted cowl, which i will call chocolate-covered cherries, as it is brown, red and white. i have begun to put white scalloped edges around one end of it. i am wary whether or not these will make it seem too playful. i guess i'll see when i begin putting on the tiny red ribbon bows amongst the scallops. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
i'm still alive. and that is something. and come friday i will probably feel better, especially if i feel well enough to hang out with laura. i haven't felt like myself at all really and she has a way of bringing me back. at least for a little while anyway. i think facing my big decision is the only thing that can truly begin to do that. i'm just buying myself a little time, hoping things will change.
i'll see you on the other side of this fog. alone or otherwise.
"this little heart of mine is stitched together with penny threads."