this has been a really tough week. not only have i been sick and fevering, but i have been sick emotionally. it is times like this that i typically withdraw and let my exterior become one moody, turbulent thorn bush. i say thorn bush because in all of my self-pity and self-loathing i tend to lash out at those around me, often unprovoked and definitely undeserved. it's kind of a relief to be sick right now because i have an excuse to not say much, and i have found, the less i say the less damage i can do.
i went to the thrift store last week and found four exciting new fabric remnants that i plan on scarfing-out over the next couple weeks. i had planned on doing so much work this week, but to no avail. my joints ache so much when i try to crochet and my eyes burn too much to see what i'm sewing. i have managed to make painstaking progress on my newest crocheted cowl, which i will call chocolate-covered cherries, as it is brown, red and white. i have begun to put white scalloped edges around one end of it. i am wary whether or not these will make it seem too playful. i guess i'll see when i begin putting on the tiny red ribbon bows amongst the scallops. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
i'm still alive. and that is something. and come friday i will probably feel better, especially if i feel well enough to hang out with laura. i haven't felt like myself at all really and she has a way of bringing me back. at least for a little while anyway. i think facing my big decision is the only thing that can truly begin to do that. i'm just buying myself a little time, hoping things will change. 
i'll see you on the other side of this fog. alone or otherwise.
ciao.
renea hanna.
"this little heart of mine is stitched together with penny threads."